Alternative endings to Shakespeare

I was reading the Alan Turing Biography last night in which it is stated that he said his favourite line in Hamlet is the last one. Vis :-

Exeunt, bearing off the dead bodies

( and before anyone writes, I know that this is not the full last line but if I cannot employ poetic licence when referring to Shakespeare then when can I?)

I mentioned this to my wife and we decided to think of alternative last lines for Shakespeare plays. These are what we came up with.

Macbeth - "Get that that thing out of here! It's dripping blood all over the carpet"

The Merchant of Venice - Exeunt after Shylock is prosecuted for trading in Flesh using non-metric measures.

Henry IV part I - Aside "Do we have an option on Part 2?"

Titus Andronicus - "Eeewwwuughghhhh!"

A Midsummer Night's Dream (as re-written by Douglas Hofstadter) - Bottom (As Pyramus) - "How about performing a play? I'll be Theseus."

Richard the Third - "Yuk! He was ugly wasn't he?"

Twelth Night - "Christmas is always over so fast these days.

Just for completeness, I used this site to look at the real text.

I went to the airport last night to pick someone up. It was a bit disconcerting to follow a fire engine on the way there and then to see the airport fire trucks moving about on the taxi-ways. While I was waiting at thearrivals gate, a large group of people exited from the flight previous to the one I was waiting for. I am afraid I immediately jumped to a conclusion about who they were. They were all between thirty and forty though they were trying to look younger. I surmised that they were staff from the Mathematics/Physics department at the University who had been on a conference in Geneva. There was one who walked backwards and forwards for no apparent reason other than to show off his ponytail! I half expected them to sit down in the cafe and start drawing Feynman diagrams on the napkins. Now there is proper Bistromatics.

Bistromatics drags me back to the Alan Turing book. He was at a meeting with the Polish and French Cryptographers in France in 1940 (before the Germans invaded I presume). The discussion came around to why the British Pound used such silly divisions. Turing defended this because he said if a restaurant Bill was rounded up to a pound (with tip), having 240 pence as the sub-divisions, it could be divided evenly between many more different combinations of people. I find the stand that some people make against Metric measures faintly ridiculous but I do understand that Imperial measures fit the real world better; they are 'human' measures. It's just that Metric is so much more logical in these days of super-fast calculation. I measured our back door the other week so we could order a new one and I used centimetres. My wife said I should use inches as the door company are much more likely to use them. So I converted all my centimetres into inches and guess what. All doors are standard (It's like the Turing Machine - I should have known about it). Our door is 78" high by 30" wide though my conversions said 77 12/16th of an inch by 29 and 11/16th of an inch. Human measures; standards. What width are standard French doors? I feel uncomfortable because all the measures are mixed up. I mix them up myself and it's not got any sense of closure.

Oh yes! Soundtrack for the day - Split - Lush.

I have a terrible confession to make. I have just had to turn off Psychocandy by The Jesus and Mary Chain because it is just noise. In defence I am still listening to Loveless by My Bloody Valentine. I have a cold. Maybe it is just the Tinitus and Honeys Deadis still good. Any album with Arthur Hughes' Ophelia on the front has got to have some good points. I just searched for that picture using the image search on Altavista and the other versions of Ophelia are very interesting. I can't imagine why someone would want to name a child Ophelia but then again not everyone has the same associations for various names.