Friday, September 10, 2004

Geronimo and No Links

We Balinese have a certain attitude to life. If someone harms me, I should not harm him back. If someone throws shit at me, I will throw back flowers.

I Gde Wiratha: Owner of Paddy's Bar in Kuta, Bali, whose nightclub strip was bombed October 12 2002. Death toll: 202, mainly Australians, Indonesians

So she comes up to me as I was sitting on the rail by the beach and said "what you doing here mate?" I was deaf so I didn't hear anything then. The horizon closed in blankly, throwing in the great hulks of ships until the sand was littered with the dismembered hunks of metal that would become the next popular car for the nations that make up the Asian Tiger. Out in the distance there are more ships, skitting along the line between sea and sky like little flies and other insects, creating their own dotted lines on the ocean. Tear them and split the seven seas. The ocean will flow into the caverns produced and we will be left with the huge gaps and the resulting climate change.

Down by the water, I felt some great heavy thing leave me. It shuddered out of me like the devil's tail and became one of the shadows you see in clear, ocean water when the bottom is sandy, some suggestion of a sea-monster but it could just be a bank of sea-weed. But this one skittered away like some underwater UFO, one moment just hovering, keeping station in the water and then streaking away, almost making thunder as the water rushed in to fill the gap it left. And now the day is sunny, a clear and cool calm day with no more darkness. That thing had me cowering for so many years and just one sight of the wide-blue sea has it out of me like water drops in a frying pan. It melts into the God-like lack of religion that has us all worshipping someone like Richard Dawkins. You don't believe me? Look at what goes wrong at the building-collapsing, community-massacring, children-abusing level and what justifies all of them? Some belief that your belief is the only correct one. We can't all be right and what makes you the rightest? Either you are all right in the commonality or you are all completely wrong. I know what I think. And all the time that nagging doubt behind everything you think about in this strand; what if I am wrong? I know I'm not but I have logic as back up, not the ishy-fishy, because-I-say-so preaching of the preachers. Do we need something spiritual? You bet we do. I could invoke God at this point but it would be a word. Today is special. Maybe today is the final end of the hedge fund I have in place that says I don't believe until you prove it. You have no proof. Maybe you say I am the proof, a complex collection of machinery and software that could only have been designed but it just seems so right to me that we have become so perfect because we have adapted to every situation without the need for a plan. We are right because we are here and if we were not here to contemplate out rightness then we would not ... I cannot finish that sentence logically. There is no right way of ending that sentence. You must be able to see what I mean. It is not deep philosophy.

My feet are caught. The sheet has wrapped itslef into my dream and in it I walk round the house, tied up, crippled by a few bits of cloth. This is no plan. Our mechanics will always be so powerfully correct but how we live our lives has no meaning other than for our bodies to exist in. Somewhere, it is a normal school day with the normal level of sadness and apprehension. Which is worth more? Want some more excitement in your day? Yes please! Think about it more and know the correct answer.

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