Thursday, May 06, 2004

The Return of Douglas Bean

Strange this morning. Not quite like yesterday morning but I always listen to the early morning news with the idea that something bad must have happened in the night. Actually something bad always happens in the night but it is not always considered worthy of reporting. I suppose asking Congress for $25,000,000,000 (That's nine zeroes - count 'em!) is quite bad but it's not quite a bomb going off is it? It is of course a lot worse.

I dreamt about hacking into hospital display equipment simply to get it to display personal messages (Christmas greetings I think) to the rest of the staff. The normal thing in my dreams of rooms having no walls of floors seemed to have changed; there were walls this time but that may have been because of all the medical equipment above each bed. The actual signs I was altering were hanging from the non-existent ceiling like the "score-boards" we used to have up here to tell the help-desk staff how many calls they had and had dealt with.

I forgot all about In Search of Shakespeare yesterday. My daughter insisted on watching The Good Life, which seems a strange thing for a 5-year old to watch but there was much mirth at the love and hate given to the beans. I have to admit that a good deal of the laughter was mine despite having seen that episode several times. All the times when I ranted privately about having to mow the acres of lawn or help with the weeding of the vegetable plots and I still look back at the time of minor self-sufficiency with some sort of pride. I am living too much in the past here. All that stuff about school the other day has made me think that I should be looking forward but that of course leads to darker thoughts. Maybe I should not be listening to The Joshua Tree.

I sometimes get into work burning to get on with whatever it is I have to do; it is usually quite interesting and success is always good. However, at the moment, even with a major cutting-edge project, this is just a chore to be got through. Confidence in my own ability is lacking, though this is maybe due to the slavering monster in my head with the rational one knowing what he knows is true and right and will always come through. As I said, I am not exactly depressed, just feeling slightly odd compared to normal.


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