Hitting The Personality Button

Out of zombie mode I think - the world seems to have a range again, ups and downs rather that a great featureless plain which I could be falling towards or racing away from. I have to put up with some of this in order to be real but sometimes I wonder if it would be nice to live like that for ever just to avoid the over-powering ecstasy and the crushing depths. Actually maybe that is the state I have craved for years.

Today smells clean and fresh like being back in the country, walking across the hills between the farms near our house. My eyes seem to want to slip into distant focus - I have been sitting here at the screen f0r a few minutes as if there was a whole world a thousand metres behind it - like another universe in the perfectly reflecting globe. I can see and hear and smell it all, feel the scratches of the brambles and the gentle warmth of spring sun.

Abrogation is a waste of effort - like those irrelevant terpsichorean angels it is an excuse to justify anything you might do or say. The world seems to be run by those annoying people who think the height of sophisticated comedy is to hold a finger out and make your own eye into it - the same people who when questioned about something they say can justify the whole thing as being just a joke up to the point where they advocate murder and pillage. Political spin seems to be this type of ducking and diving dressed up in long words. I hate myself for complaining - I hate myself for being unable to complain enough at the right time and I hate myself for wanting everything to be simple.