It's a screaming comedown through the bruising of light,
I thought I'd mastered ecstasy,
That I'd have the last few seconds to myself,
With the creep of lithium and dust,
The diffusion of all those empty stares I gave,
Remembered as the one most likely to ....
But in that ellipsis I faltered and became my other,
The blank and walking doll of history,
Ten years clean and then against the mast again,
Facing the whole girls and the candy girls,
I was the shining point of their star,
Or maybe just the earthly point of all of them,
I was the long-awaited, rough outline of the future,
So much the princess of New England liberal arts -
That I thought I'd made myself of nothing,
Of the vapour I desired to blank the world,
To stare it down in girls' games and tablets,
To flatten the creases of a long summer lost.
You'd all think I'd be close to exhausted these days,
The most senior officer of two new world orders,
Out of the long shadows and the doll's house,
But remember my line is never parallel with yours,
My sister, we waver and shake in our philosophies,
And all the world stops dead.
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